Arthur's 2 month well-visit and Thankfullness

Last week would have been Arthur's first week alive without any medical intervention since we are now on a every-other-week CBC schedule, if it wasn't for his well-visit with his pediatrician. On Tuesday he had to get his vaccines, so it wasn't a non-eventful type check-up either. Poor guy. The shots did leave him pretty sleepy and on Wednesday I gave him some Tylenol as he seemed to be in a little pain. But I'm okay with vaccines - I believe the small side-affects/risk-benefit is completely in favor of my baby and his well-being. 

A hand-me-down from Lil (kuddos to Aunt Becca for the onesie!)

I did actually raise enough concern over the live-virus rotavirus vaccine however, that his pediatrician said she didn't have a problem with me waiting until I spoke to his hematologist to make absolute sure it would not post a risk. In my book three neutrophil counts above 1,000 is great, but I'd like one more CBC and the hematologists blessing before he receives a live-virus immunization.

So medically speaking, thankfully, very thankfully, there is nothing of significance to report. Next Monday is his next CBC and we'll see if his neutrophils are starting to show a holding pattern.

The only big news of the week is that he is 23 inches long and weighed in at 11 lbs 4 oz - that's a big guy for someone like me... I'm hoping he is really interested in the idea of walking and that he might take it up at a amazingly early age ;).

Great moment when Papaw was here (Laura's dad)

Lillian did come down with a cold last Thursday. I'm still watching Arthur closely but so far, so good - he is well! The cold did cause Lil to wake up wheezing the first night she came down with it (the problem was the humidifier wasn't running properly, she would have been fine otherwise). Lillian is so rarely sick and the poor girl was so scared to wake up feeling like she couldn't breath - "I need a doctor" she kept saying, struggling through her raspy breath. Sitting in the bathroom while we ran a steaming shower did the trick, thank goodness.

But all is more or less, peaceful here with our two kiddos. Our thoughts are very much around Gwen as we approach Arthur's eighth week of life and November the 19th all at the same time. The date and the age are both significant to Gwen's life. We will be holding Arthur close this week. It was on the 19th of November we learned of Gwen's heart defect and our dear little Gwen was just three days shy of turning two months old when she passed away (it is still so hard to type those words...that feeling in my stomach is right there again and I have to fight off the images of that day... it is never settled when you loose a child, at least I don't think so). We are holding Arthur close. We are marking the shortness of Gwen's life and renewed in the awfulness of what it was like for her at this age to be suddenly lifeless in our arms. I'm so thankful (weak words to describe it) for the current wellness of Arthur and Lillian too (I take nothing for granted...children's hospitals are home to kids of all ages). I'm thankful as well, that we are able to be at this unsettling crossroad with some peace at least, about Arthur's situation.

Arthur's first hike (that's his head there in the baby carrier) - this is at the JMU arboretum where Gwen's tree is...(and I will be posting a series on Lil's blog of her in her cape...Alisha, you are awesome - I wish I could sew your kids something as cool...I wish I could sew for that matter!)

Besides the anniversary of Gwen's diagnosis, Myers and I have both lost more than one loved one right around Thanksgiving. Myers lost his dad just before Thanksgiving in 1998. We miss seeing Myers' dad be a grandfather to our kids and their cousins. This holiday also marks a "last time together" for several other family members between us. A certain melancholy always mixes into my heart this time of year - but most especially about all the "events" of 2010. The nightmare year of 2010 all started for us, in a way, with the devastating news about Gwen's heart. However, even as all this arises in my head and heart -even as grief always lives in me - I still love Thanksgiving. As is everything now, life is bittersweet, but I'm not in despair - I think to allow despair to take hold would dishonor the love I still have for Gwen and all those no longer with us. If nothing else, I hope I appreciate more.

As a kid, I always looked forward to Thanksgiving. Gathering with my extended family, small though it may have been compared to some, and of course, not perfect, was a good time. I remember how great it felt to be together, I remember lots of laughter. I hope I can create an atmosphere as wonderful as I recall for my two kiddos. And my wish and prayer for myself and all my friends and family is for this holiday gathering to be full of peace and approached with intentional appreciation for each person that is there ... may we all be aware of a good moment or two and notice it, soak it in and be fully in it - and let Thankfulness be a genuine feeling not just something said without taking to heart.
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 On that note, while I'm here speaking of Thanksgiving and Thankfulness, I would be sorely amiss not to mention here our deep gratitude for our family - both Carpenter and Sammon and extended on both sides - for being there for us in "all this" - Gwen and Arthur's ordeals, there for Lillian to help care for her, there for us to help keep us afloat...

We are blessed, we are fortunate, we are graced with a caring and supportive family and we are thankful to our parents, sisters and brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins...for literately being here, for the notes, the phone calls and messages, the gifts and the love and care expressed, for the faithful prayers for Arthur (and for Gwen two years ago) ~ THANK YOU ~!

And for our friends, those near, those far, the newer ones blessing our lives and those we've known forever and those that have resurfaced via the Internets - the best way I can say it is this; "my only prayer is while I live, Lord make me worthy of my friends!"  ~THANK YOU ~ to all our friends who help sustain us.

These have been dark days - not trying to be dramatic here, it is the truth - but we are amiss if we don't count each family member and friend as a light, a bright light - and in that the darkness cannot win.

Saw this in the gift store window when I was living at UVA children's hospital. I knew I wanted to share it on this blog - and now is perfect. Please note - this applies to family members as well!

God bless you all!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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P.S. Here are some quotes that I think speak to the idea of intentional appreciation in the bitter-sweetness of it all..thought I'd share, for what's it worth:

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” — Thornton Wilder 

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"When the fiddle had stopped singing Laura called out softly, "What are days of auld lang syne, Pa?"

"They are the days of a long time ago, Laura," Pa said. "Go to sleep, now."

 But Laura lay awake a little while, listening to Pa's fiddle softly playing and to the lonely sound of the wind in the Big Woods…
She was glad that the cozy house, and Pa and Ma and the firelight and the music, were now. They could not be forgotten, she thought, because now is now. It can never be a long time ago.”

- Laura Ingalls Wilder

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Life's tapestry
From the tangle of our lives,
you can weave the perfect tapestry
of our joys and sorrows,
our successes and failures,
our achievements and unfulfilled dreams.

The fragility of life
How fragile life is -
easily snuffed out
like a candle in the wind -
fleeting, its end unknowable.
Help us to value our lives
and use our time wisely -
and to your glory.

- Celtic Prayers and Reflections by Jenny Child
  
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 "The world didn’t have to be beautiful. We can and should think about that beauty and be grateful.” 

"So everyday I'm surrounded by the beautiful ideas of God...one of which was you."

- Mary Oliver