A Small Change

In Short: 
Results: Newt count:1,100
Platelets: 500 (a little on the high side)
Weight: N/A
Age: 5 weeks

Love this sweater (thank you Susie C.!)

In long:
So...due to the forecast I opted to go ahead and have his CBC done here in the 'Burg. I learned that his pediatrician could only do a finger prick - so I explained that he clotted three time last week and they ended up doing an IV line. So, it was agreed I should go to Rockingham Memorial Hospital (our local hospital) as an outpatient. They didn't quite send me to the correct registration but it was a short walk in the hospital to get to the right place. I was concerned about the ability of their blood drawing people to take on a tiny baby (again, not being a pediatric hospital) however the nurse who did it yesterday was wonderful. One stick and it went well (he of course was not thrilled but what choice is there?). The only other difference in it being a regular hospital is that they don't weigh him, measure him, take his blood pressure and get his temperature. I kinda like having those details every week as I soak in every detail that I can to help assure me he is okay.

I learned that for future visits I won't need to register each time, if we get the right order in from his doctor. Also, I don't have to stay there to wait for the results - UVA just calls me later in the day (however, it's not the doctor that calls, so that's kinda a pain). So even as the time spent in the waiting room is potentially a little longer at RMH and it's not a children's hospital so you are waiting with all ages of people who are there for all kinds of reasons which just makes it feel weird to be there with an infant, it will be so, so much easier than trekking over to UVA every Monday. I'm not sure next week if I'll be doing RMH again or UVA one last time since I didn't get to go today - but I'm looking forward to the UVA trips being behind us!

Arthur looking at his big sister.

As I think on it all - so far, this situation has turned into something relatively simple. We haven't had to give him daily GCS-F shots, I only had to go once a week to UVA as opposed to twice and thankfully his numbers reached a respectable level earlier than we anticipated. And looking back, I am so thankful that we found his infection early and were on top of it before it had a chance to think about getting worse.

His number dropping to 1,100 is something that bugs me, however it's not a bad number. It's okay. I need to talk to the doctor - today I just didn't get to call. I'm curious what her take will be - I have a feeling she will be positive and not slightly concerned. However, I can't help but feel a little deflated - even as I knew not to expect anything. I knew to be prepared for the count not to not stay way up high where I want it.

I guess now my big, big hope and prayer is that it stays above 1,000 - again not because the docs get worried if it goes lower (they would still tell me, "normal newborn protecting") but because in my head it's not good. And I know that Myers and I both are holding our breath anyway - until he is older than two months (that is a fateful age for us) and probably until he is older than six months...I want to relax and trust and believe he will be okay, that he is as healthy and strong as he looks - that most babies DO get to grow up...and I'm trying, but there is a part of me that won't listen to reason. I'm living with Gwen's memory every day - it can't be helped.

More happiness while looking at Lillian

Part of me is still confused...wondering where she is - I was just taking care of her, just a moment ago. It is amazing how time doesn't make her feel like a vague distant memory and I'm glad for that honestly, but it does come with a price. And I'm not horribly sad (or any more horribly sad, I should say) - I'm okay - I'm used to missing her, I'm accustomed to this feeling - but I guess I'd say I'm not used to missing her while taking care of a newborn. So for many reasons I just want time to pass and get to the middle of next year or something because eventually this will be just part of what else I've gotten used to about loosing Gwen and by then hopefully we won't feel the same weight of concern for Arthur's health and well-being.

However, as I said - there are many blessings to count and I'm not unaware! Arthur is doing just fine - being a five week old - even a little better with his tummy troubles (I find burping him more while nursing seems to help). He still doesn't have too much content/awake time but when he is content/awake he is FULL of smiles!

Happy Halloween!

Lillian hasn't been at school for several days so she has been home with me and Arthur a lot and I know she hasn't settled into this whole thing just yet - but she can get smiles out of Arthur like no one else! Her Halloween costume is a hoot (she wanted to be an alien and she directed the design and I did my best to craft it based on her description). We carved pumpkins this past weekend (she drew a really great face for me to carve with only a tiny suggestion here and there from me). She can't wait for Halloween tomorrow even as the last thing in the world this girl needs is more candy :) Right now she is called me in to see the village she built around her Thomas the Train train-tracks...so I'd better get going!